Love, Rage & Confusion

by Ash Victim & The Buskin' Punx Orchestra

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about

As the title suggests this album is a collection of songs about love, rage and confusion. Everything was recorded with my homemade microphone except the bass which was DI'd.
I'm off travelin' so physical copies are currently unavailable. Feel free to burn your own though if you need to crank this shit out in your car or whatever. If you can throw us some cash for the download it'd be much appreciated and help with the travelin'.

credits

released 19 June 2014

Ash Victim - Vocals, Guitar, Banjo, Production
Dan Kemp - Violin, Backing Vocals
Stuart Sim - Bass Guitar
Joe Dobraszczyk - Accordion

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Track Name: Declaration Of War (On Civilisation)
If resisting the urge to dance is being civilised
Then I don't want to be civilised
If not talking to strangers is being civilised
Then I don't want to be civilised
I don't want to read the papers
I don't want to watch the news
I want to experience this life first hand
But I'm sitting here feeling blue
because all this shit it gets me down
These norms ingrained in me
Someone please take civilisation out of me

If tolerating intolerence is being civilised
Then I don't want to be civilised
If not sharing how we really feel is being civilised
Then I don't want to be civilised
I don't want to read the papers
I don't want to watch the news
I want to experience this life first hand
But I'm sitting here feeling blue
Because all this shit it gets me down
These norms ingrained in me
Someone please take civilisation out of me

If respecting authority is being civilised
Then I don't want to be civilised
If selling our souls just to survive is being civilised
Then I don't want to be civilised
I don't want to read the papers
I don't want to watch the news
I want to experience this life first hand
But I'm sitting here feeling blue
because all this shit it gets me down
These norms ingrained in me
Someone please take civilisation out of me

Let's declare a war on this "civilisation"
Tear down the border's til there's no more nations
We need to stop caring what the media thinks
Dispel misinformation and take to the streets
I'm fed up with all of the lies and deceit
I'm fed up with everything being stuck on repeat
I'm fed up with all of the wars and oppression
I'm fed up with my apathy, inaction and depression
If a law gets in your way just go ahead and break it
If they tell you you can't have something go ahead and take it
Let's take back what's ours, give them what they deserve
Payback for all the slavery and destruction of the earth
If people need shelter let's squat the empty buildings
Smash the CCTV cameras, stop them from filming
If people are hungry let's loot the supermarkets
Smash the state and put it in a fucking casket
And bury it deep
Track Name: Outlaw Song
I've been lost and I've been found
I've searched for love until I was all worn out
But I never found anything close in one single town
These sticks and stones, they may break my bones
But they can also build me a home
In every town I stop in on this long hard road

So I'll keep walking, I'll keep running
I'll keep travelling, travelling along
And I'll sure as hell keep on singing my songs
I'll sure as hell keep singing my songs

I've been through so many towns
They all look the same with the local shops closed down
They've all been replaced with corporate chain stores now
So I'll smash their windows, I'll glue their locks
I'll steal their shit if they like it or not
And I'll never let the law stop me no

I'll be killing fascists, robbing bankers
Swearing and swearing that I ain't doing no wrong
And I'll sure as hell keep on singing my songs
I'll sure as hell keep singing my songs

Well people say I should repent my sins
I should go to church, I should let god in
But the sinners life seems such a sweater way to live
Track Name: Searching For A Life Well Spent
I tear myself from my bed again
Fed up with all these sickening trends
That are making my days all seem the same
All that I ever wanted was a little bit of change
Because this life beats us all down in different ways
But how many times can we pick ourselves back up again
Until we can't pick ourselves back up no more?
each fall is just another nail into the coffin door

I'll write a hundred letters that I will never send
And I'll burn your picture so I don't have to see you again
And I'll set the flames upon this house if the memories refuse to end
And I'll run, run, run on into the night in the search of a life well spent

I obsess over things that I know can't exist
I was born with a heart broken into pieces
And I've spent my life trying to get it fixed
But every time I get close someone comes and smashes it
But I don't need a doctor, I don't need a priest
I am nothing special, I just sit around and grind my teeth
And If anyone offers I'll refuse their help
This is something that I've got to get through for myself

CHORUS

My legs will keep running
My eyes will keep leaking
My head will keep spinning
As I hope my heart stops beating
I'm too alone to be drunk
I'm too hopeless to be sober
I can't get to sleep
I won't admit that this day's over
Track Name: Destructive & Alone
Sprawled out on the kitchen floor trying to write another song
Attempting to write down my thoughts when I'd rather be confiding in someone
And I'm starting to worry my songs are just escapism
A way to avoid dealing with my communication problem

I don't know how to show emotion except for in my songs
I don't know how to show affection I just don't know how it's done
I can't articulate how I feel without a lot of prior thought
By the time I work out how to say anything the moment's been and gone

I'm constantly worrying about the kind of man I am
I don't want to be just another one of those emotionless men
If patriarchy gets the best of me please someone have me killed
I don't want to hurt the people I love, I don't want to be destructive and alone.
Track Name: Broken Glass
The city is in ruins
The bottle is in my hands
There's broken glass everywhere
And I'm too exhausted to move
So I wake up the next morning
Wipe the dust from my eyes
Take in my surroundings
Then pass out for another few hours

And I don't know which way I'm going just yet
But I know that I'm not coming back
Because I've been walking for far too long
On the same old dusty track
I'll swim through the lakes
I'll stagger through the mist
I'll climb the highest ruins
And stare out at the broken bricks
To be free from the world
Free from myself
Free from the memories
And pretty much everything else

The glass cut my shoes into pieces
So now I walk along barefoot
And the glass is cutting into my feet
But I'll shut out the pain and press on
I don't know why I keep moving
It's the same landscape everywhere
But I guess it's automatic, I've become a machine
I've been doing this for years and years

CHORUS
Track Name: Days Go By
Sitting on the pavement, book clasped in my hands
My eyes scan the page but the words don't go in
I'm just sat here trying to work out why my body won't stop shaking
I think it might be the fact that I'm going to see you soon

My suspicions are confirmed when I look in your eyes
I've got that familiar feeling, happens every time we meet
I feel so in danger and so safe at the same time
It's creative, it's destructive, it's heaven and hell

We a spend couple of days in each others arms
And You are torturing me but for now that's just fine
For a situation with so much at stake I feel so calm
And I try to be cautious but I'm clumsy

Sitting on the platform and you're sat in front of me
And I've got so many things I want to say before I go
But I get lost in your eyes and say nothing of importance
And all too soon the train is here to take me away, away from you

The days go by, the days go by
I still can't get you off my mind
Replaying every moment over in my head
Trying to make some sense of what it all meant
The days go by, the days go by
I'm confused as hell, there are no answers I can find
But there's nothing I can do, there's nothing I can do
I'm worthless, I'm useless, my heart is torn in two
Track Name: Useless
I don't know why I chose to live this way
Sleeping in a flowerbed on valentines day
My life is just a series of bad decisions
I think I fell in love with romanticism
I Wake up in my sleeping bag feeling trapped
Can't stop thinking about the qualities I lack
I can't sit still, I don't know where I belong
I'll never mean anything to anyone

Well I have got friends with skills and ambition
But all that I have is inhibition
And even if I wanted to I don't know how to change
I would need somebody to show me the way
But why anyone ever do that
When I've got nothing to offer them back?
I can't sit still, I don't know where I belong
I'll never mean anything to anyone

Well I'm so fucking useless, doomed to be alone
No sane person would make my heart their home
And I have no clue what the hell is going on
But I can't shake the feeling something's wrong

I don't know if we're supposed to have a purpose
All that I know is I'm feeling pretty worthless
My life is going by way too fast
I try my best not to look at the past
But living in the moment makes me worry a lot
About the future sometimes if I like it or not
I can't sit still, I don't know where I belong
I'll never mean anything to anyone

All that I do is write shitty songs
I'm not righting any wrongs
Waking up hungover on the floor
My back is aching, my throat is sore
I don't know if I'm living out my dreams
Or if I'm just being lazy
I can't sit still, I don't know where I belong
I'll never mean anything to anyone

CHORUS
Track Name: Nowhere Warm
The sun beats down on the tarmac
But the air is so damn cold
And every time that I breathe in
The frost is coating my throat
And I stare down at the dead leaves
And just hope they don't leave me behind
Just like all of my friends did
way back in the old times
But the wind blows the leaves away
Like a ghost that can read my thoughts
I try to get up and chase them
But my muscles are seized up and sore
So I just fall back down
Into a shivering heap on the ground
I try to scream but my throat is too dry
I cannot make a sound

And now I feel like I'm falling and then I find myself in the past
With the black clad monsters, the crack of my skull,
The hospital bed and then I'm back on the road
With nothing but a bandage round my head and my torn clothes
Once again I'm in the streets, freezing and alone
And when I return to the present it's only to feel the last of my life
Drain away, drain away, fade away
Because I have nowhere warm to stay
No I have nowhere warm to stay
Track Name: Newspaper Religion
They decide what normality is
Preaching better than any preacher ever did
A rag stained with ink, spewing hatred
If they don't think you're normal then you're a target
And these rags they are mass consumed
People eat it up like it's good, good food
But it's not, it's artificial crap
And I'm fed up with the world being filled up with that

Don't you dare think for yourself
Just read what we print, don't read anything else
Then believe that you're an expert on these subjects
Any other points of view are probably those of crackheads
Sell, sell, sell, buy, buy, buy
Lie, lie, lie, deny, deny, deny
Fabricate artificial significance
Subscribe to our newspaper religion

You know how you feel something isn't quite right?
Well here's a scapegoat for you to bite
Never question the system we live in
Here's a quick and easy answer for you to believe in
Hatred sells and so does pain
The two go hand in hand, fit our sadistic game
We thrive off this chaos that we help create
Keep people divided with fabricated prejudiced hate

They decide what normality is
We've got to find a way to change this
So let's take those rags, set them alight
Let's burn down media headquarters tonight
Track Name: Waltz For The Restless
I hope this plane doesn't land
I'm not ready for solid ground
I hope it keeps flying forever
I'm not ready for what awaits me down there

I know I'll keep walking the same road
The same road I've been walking for years
And I'll feel like I'm going the wrong way
But be too hungover to care

I'm walking straight but can't help but think
Things should be more straight forward than this
My thoughts are fragmented, I'm loosing my mind
Someone please pick up the pieces

I just want a simple existence
But existence is complicated
I've got so many ideals but they so often clash
Leaving me stuck in this stagnant confusion

I'm exhausted and choking on the fumes
Of everyone's bullshit including my own
I've got a throat infection but I keep screaming
My wrist aches but I keep writing

I'm hot, I'm cold, I've sold my soul
And the devil's gonna be pretty pissed
When he finds out it's worthless, broken and can't be fixed
So broken it cannot be fixed
I've got a ticket straight to hell
But when I get there I'll break right out
Because I'm far too restless to stay in one place
And I've so much life left to waste
Track Name: Wah Wah I Can't Get A Girlfriend
I think you stole my heart
When my head was turned away
Because when you're not here I can't help but feel
Like it's been torn out of my ribcage
When you sat next to me on that dirty old sofa
It sent a shiver down my spine
And the next day when my train pulled out
I felt like taking lives

I wish I could make you a mix tape
But I don't have the right stuff to make it
And you probably don't own a tape player
And I hate digital playlists
So instead I got you this lovely bunch of flowers
That I found in the skip
When I was searching for a meal the other day
Inside the Tesco bins

But oh wait, I almost forgot
I don't have the courage to give you them
And how could I ever forget
That you already have a boyfriend
And I don't want things to be awkward between us
So I won't tell you how I feel
I'll just keep my mouth shut and try to pretend
That these feelings aren't real
Track Name: Born At Odds With The World
I love traveling round but it terrifies me too
Chances are I'll meet someone that I'll get attached to
It's crazy how quickly a friendship can form sometimes
and how quickly I'll miss them when I leave them behind
I get attached to the people I meet far too easily
Sometimes a conversation can seem to mean the whole world to me
But words aren't sufficient to explain how I feel right now
And I know my songs can't say much, they're just unnecessary sound

I'll be heading out of town
Feeling so down
About the things I should have said
And all the things I never did
And I hope you're thinking of me
But I that know you won't be
So I'm hurting like hell
Born at odds with the world

I hate being home-bound because I don't feel at home this house
A house with no one in except for a ghost and myself
But I'll lock myself in here and try to shut out the pain
And I'll try to forget about you so I don't spend so much money on the train
But I can't just keep myself locked up, I've got a craving for freedom
I've got to keep on searching for a world I'm happy to live in
And that world can never be if I'm locked indoors and alone
So I head back out on the same old trail and hope that I'll find a new home

CHORUS